I carry a Sharpie with me so I can sniff it when I get stressed out. My bra size remains the same no matter how much weight I gain or lose. I will kick your ass six ways from Sunday if you dare to play Trivial Pursuit: 90s Edition with me. It took a Masters in religion, a 75-page thesis on a pop culture Christ-figure, and a stint in the United Methodist Candidacy for Ordination program for me to realize I was a Unitarian Universalist at heart. I eat a bowl of steel cut oats every morning for breakfast and drink a glass of buttermilk every night before going to bed. When I get nervous, I quiz myself on world capitals. I watch too much television.